Such a Sicko

This is the 3rd day I had to call in sick due to a wonderful head cold. But, at least today I can feel that I'm getting better. my paycheck is gonna be so low, but at least I have the money I need for rent already.
I'm really excited to move out. Ready to get out of the same house as my mother. She makes me doubt how I feel, and who I am and what I want. It's so stressful. I'm excited cuz Carlos is gonna help me move :). It's gonna be so nice up there. Only one more week, and I'll be moving my crap into that apartment :).

Life

I did really well for a few days, and then today and yesterday I sorta sucked again at eating well. But, I blame that on time. But I heard a quote that's something like "you can have results or you can have excuses." So, anyway, I'm gonna keep trying to get in my water and fruits and not eat unless I'm hungry.
Hmmmm, is there anything else I wanted to talk about? I can't remember. I had a great blog post idea the otehr night, but they always happen when I'm in bed and my laptop is shut down, my iPod is dead, and I only have my phone around and it sucks at saving notes. Haha. But if I can't remember it today, I guess it wasn't that important.

Bah, I'm rambling. I'm like so tired. I guess I should go to bed. Glad I don't have work til Friday. Hallelujah.

Out of Control

Today is a day where life just feels out of control. Entirely. Yet, I can change it.

I'm over my calories.... by almost 500. ouch.

I'm over my clothing budget by $1 and its just the middle of the month. and I'm over my food budget by $2.... no more buying snacks it seems. especially that soda that makes me so sick anyway. and NO MORE SUGAR COATED SNACKS JUST CUZ PEOPLE BRING IT IN FREE! You are not going to STARVE, Cierra. Seriously.

and I haven't been all that productive today. Work is killing me off and yet all my money is going to things that keep popping up. Like the $305 I have to pay on my car tomorrow. UGH.

Anyway, I enjoyed my time with Rach today. And, my nails look awesome. Not to mention, I think I might have the basis of the floor plan for my dream house (maybe). haha. It seems I'll always be changing my mind. Go figure.

And remember

this song can ALWAYS make one happy.

Epic Fail

One day I'm motivated, and the next I say to myself "it's not that big of a deal. I'm not fat." and then I have a date where we go to Walmart to try on silly clothes, and half of the ones that should fit (which are too big of a size anyway) don't fit.....

Yeah, I'm back on. Tomorrow I am going to eat within my calories and drink LOTS of water. I have been TOTALLY sucking. And, all I crave is junk food (mostly) and I want to fix that.

So, tomorrow I am going to document what I eat and make sure I use caloriecount.

Wish me luck.

The Collage

This shows my reasons to lose weight/get healthy. I want to feel good about my body. I wanna do it for my family now, my future love, and my future children. I want to be the prettiest I can be on my wedding day, and who knows how soon that will come. This is my collage, and one day, it will be complete.

Goal Time

Looking at my pictures, I see that something needs to happen. I can't look at myself in the mirror half the time because I don't like what I see, especially beneath the clothes. Lately, the baggier, the better. Trying to hide beneath my clothes.

In 2011, I cut my hair short, wore crazy clothes and tried to get attention cuz I liked how I looked. That's not how it is now. Now I hide under my clothes, my big curly hair, my jackets.

I don't want to hide though. It's not me, and my body is what is keeping me from being me. So, time to make a goal to get healthy. I know I wasn't healthy before when I looked good, but now I'm going to be healthy and hopefully look good while I'm at it.

Here's to a new goal.

This is me my Sophomore year of High School (Fall 2009)
    I was 16. Size 9 or 11 jeans. around 125 lbs.
 This body weight is definitely not my goal but I would love to feel this confident with my body again.

Me right now. Not that bad, but not as great as I'd like to be. I'd like to lose the tummy, drop 1-2 jean sizes, lose the weight in my arms, and especially my face.
Right now I weight 185, size 14/15 jeans and a women's L shirt.










And no worries guys, I'm not gonna do some diet kick. I'm gonna do sorta like I was a few months ago when I was losing well. I lost 8 lbs in 2-3 months and I loved feeling the success. I hope to do so again and change my lifestyle.

Here's to my new goal.

Eat ~ 1730 cal. per day.
Eat ~ 5 servings of fruits/vegetables
Drink ~ 8 cups of water per day.
Exercise AT LEAST 5 minutes a day.

Here's to an improved body, and a healthier one too. Cheers.

Today

Today is one of those days where you thought it would be better than is what actually happened.
I slept in past 11am. It was hard to even wake up at that time. My sister took off work to do stuff with us, and instead she is playing Star Wars on her laptop.
I did dishes, I ran errands, and I worked out money. Other than that, I've sat around, staring into space and wishing I could just do something worthwhile.
My mother doesn't want me to move that desk up to my room yet. If it was there, I would be doing art, or sewing. By the time my mom gets here though, to ask if I can, my sister's will probably actually want to do something with me. Bleh.

Yeah, I'm depressed again. But, o well. Life goes on.

My Lord, My God

 Psalm 147
his understanding is infinite.

Deuteronomy 
30:10 "...turn unto the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul."
30:20 "That thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life..."

The Lord will take care of me, whereas the "arm of flesh" will not. I love the Lord, my God.